Thursday, May 27, 2010

Words of Wisdom from Tracy Jordan: Part II

Last summer Aaron Cohen over at Unlikely Words went through the first three seasons of 30 Rock and posted every single line that Tracy Morgan's character, Tracy Jordan, had ever said (you can view my favorites by clicking here).  Just a week after the end of the current season he's already transcribed all of Tracy's lines from season four and just like last time I'm posting my favorites. And, if you can't wait until season five, Tracy Morgan has released a memoir I Am the New Black full of similarly ridiculous comments about his experiences growing up as well as his time on SNL.

"Are you a large child or a small adult?"

"I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor."

"Liz Lemon, you are blowing up like a balloon with a grenade in it."

"Trying to get someone to move out? May I suggest what got my neighbors to move out? Black person moved in, scared them off."

"I gotta lot of good ideas. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my son to my vasectomy because the Cosby Show lied to me and I cannot tell an amazing strip club story."

"Liz Lemon, recently I realized that I have a hole in my heart and not the one I got from eating batteries. It’s because I don’t have a daughter."

"That’s what religion is, KFed. Just a bunch of made up rules to manipulate people. Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s."

"I know it’s a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled 'Susan B. Anthony' at the moment of conception.

"But I’m not like that with my sons. When they were little, I threw them in the deep end of our pool. To help them get over their fear of sharks."

"We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on Mars!"

"Okay, I don’t mean to be the black guy at the movies, but, 'You better move, girl!'"

"It’s a real problem in the celebrity community, but if Beyonce simply answered one of my letters I’d stop trying to break into her house."

"On Valentine’s Day, Angie and I rent a room with a heart-shaped hot tub and cook chili in it. Then we take it to soup kitchen and that’s when it starts to get sexy!"

"My wild and sexually adventurous image is how I make my money, Liz Lemon. I start losing my endorsements, Angie’s gonna be madder than a bat in a suitcase. Uh oh, which reminds me. Gordon?"

"But it’s like a black Barbie Doll in Arizona, nobody’s buying it."

"I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a portable Jacuzzi. It was crazy, glistening black and white skin. It looked like a close up of a killer whale being born."

"Get ready, son. All you’ve ever known is your affirmative action job and Queen Latifah Covergirl commercials."

"You can play it off, but I know that you’re all secretly mad that we finally have a black Disney princess."

"Of course not, the Aryan hates and fears the African man. As we so clearly saw in the Blade movies."

"Well, I yelled 'Baba Booey' at Walter Cronkite’s funeral, so I actually have no idea of what’s rude or not."

"Oh, I forgot to warn you about my dog, Tracy, Sr. I trained him to hate white people because, not to profile, but most ghosts are white. This is my boy here. And look what Angie did to him, she set up an invisible fence. He gets shocked if he tries to leave the property. Just because he’d run away and cause car accidents and impregnate neighbors horses, he’s trapped here just like me."

"This is bad because I can’t change. I’m like a chameleon, always a lizard."

"'Um, I haven’t decided yet.' You sound like my mother talking to the Planned Parenthood lady."

"No, Griz’ fiancĂ© is name Feyonce, like Beyonce with an 'F.'"

"I want to see a list of names. Like when they was looking for John McCain’s running mate. Hahaha. I’m kidding, this needs to be taken seriously."

"I am a movie star, a television actor, and the Guinness Book of World Records holder for most car accidents in a single year."

"It’s all coming back to...oh my God. I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs! I watched a prostitute stab a clown! Our basketball hoop was a ribcage! A ribcage!"

"You haven’t walked in my shoes! All my life I’ve tried to forget the things I’ve seen. A crackhead breast-feeding a rat! A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal! There’s something inside of me that needs to come out, and if Garfield 3: Feline Groovy can’t tell my story then I’ll win my Oscar elsewhere or I’ll die trying."

"I’ve seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child’s shoe in it! I’ve seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s! The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!"

"Do a sloppy job and they’ll leave you alone. That’s how I got out of doing foreplay with Angie. And my taxes."

Seasons 1-3 | Season 4 | Season 5

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I'll Never Be LOST Again

There have been a lot of horrible and corny Lost-related videos to hit the internet over the course of the last six years, but a new hip-hop group that is calling themselves The Injustice Gang has made an awesome track about the show's upcoming finale and I felt like it was my responsibility as a human being to share it with you fine ladies and gentlemen.

Ya'll out there watchin' Lost, you know I feel ya brotha
All those people Lost hating, man, we call 'em the Others

You can click here to download the track for free if you'd like and hey, if that's not your cup of tea, you can watch cats re-enact the whole series in the course of one minute. Or watch Jacob and his Brother play Connect Four Million (at the two-minute mark).

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Another Great Deal for Super Mario Galaxy 2

Super Mario Galaxy is easily the must-own title of the Nintendo Wii. The graphics, gameplay mechanics, and motion controls are essentially perfect and the game is more or less a sequel to Super Mario 64 which was one of my favorite games growing up. Since the original has sold almost nine million copies over the last few years and was universally praised by every single critic that has ever played it I figured that at least one or two of you might own it and might be interested in its sequel. occasionally runs deals for pre-ordering games and they're currently doing a pretty amazing one for Super Mario Galaxy 2. Placing an order on-line will not only get the game shipped to you for free once it's released, but it will also add $20 to your account toward the purchase of a future video game. So if you were already planning on picking this title up and were also planning on picking up another video game at some point again in your life for either the Wii or any other console, then click here (or on the image link) and enjoy!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Music Playlist - Fall 2009

Here's what I've been listening to lately. I'm always looking for new music, so please drop me a suggestion or two of some of your recent favorites in the comment section. A list of previous playlists can be viewed here.

Click here to preview (most of) the playlist on iTunes.

1. "WTF?" OK Go
2. "Empire State of Mind" Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys
3. "Hounds of Love" The Futureheads
4. "Half of My Heart" John Mayer featuring Taylor Swift
5. "Some Kind of Nature" Gorillaz featuring Lou Reed
6. "How I Got Over" The Roots
7. "Lovers in Japan (Acoustic Version)" Coldplay
8. "Lazy Eye" Silversun Pickups
9. "Heartbreak Warfare" John Mayer
10. "Always in the Season" Pomplamoose
11. "The Anthem" Arts the Beatdoctor
12. "Bittersweet Dirt off Your Shoulder" Jay-Z & The Verve
13. "Aquarium Girl" The Kapluckus
14. "Meantime" The Futureheads
15. "Stylo" Gorillaz featuring Mos Def and Bobby Womack
16. "Rawnald Gregory Erickson the Second" Starfucker
17. "Take Me Home" Firstenburg/Edwards
18. "Skip to" the End" The Futureheads
19. "Sweepstakes" Gorillaz featuring Mos Def and Hypnotic Brass Ensemble
20. "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" John Mayer

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Purchase Daria: The Complete Series for Thirty Bucks

Head's up! One of my favorite shows is available for cheap by mistake!

After years of putting it off in favor of focusing on such quality programming as The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2, 16 and Pregnant, and The Hills, Mtv made the announcement back in January that they would finally be releasing a complete collection of their critically-acclaimed animated series, Daria. However, when the product began showing up as "in stock" on yesterday, it was listed at almost fifty dollars less than the MSRP. I really doubt that this is intentional and they'll probably have this fixed within twenty-four hours, but knowing's customer service if you manage to place an order before they fix the price they'll honor it AND ship it out to you for free since the order is over twenty-five bucks.

The link I've included to the item shows it as $44.99 (another reason why I assume that this is a mistake) but visiting the actual page and putting the item in your cart/checking out should show it as $27.99.

Best of luck and let me know if it works for you.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Best of 2008

Almost a year and a half late but butter late than never, right? Here's my list from 2006 and here's the one from 2007.

1. Synecdoche, New York
2. The Dark Knight
3. Slumdog Millionaire
4. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
6. The Wrestler
7. Religulous
8. Changeling
9. Milk
10. Iron Man

1. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
2. Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
3. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
4. Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
5. Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk

1. The Odd Couple by Gnarls Barkley
2. Pretty. Odd. by Panic! at the Disco
3. Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends and Prospekt's March by Coldplay
4. Way to Normal by Ben Folds
5. You're Awful, I Love You by Ludo

Spring 2008
Summer 2008
Fall 2008

2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009